I am an animal lover. Too mild of a choice of words? Okay, I admit it’s a bit more serious than that. I’m Elmyra from Tiny Toons, or for us older folks, Hugo, the Abominable Snowman that wanted to call Bugs Bunny George.
It’s important for you to know, though, that Michael had full knowledge of this before we ever started a relationship. He’ll try to sway you to his side and make you feel sorry for him that he’s now married to a crazy animal lady, but he knew who and what I was, and that I came with a cart load of animals, LONG before I moved to Texas.
And really, as much as he likes to pretend otherwise, he loves animals almost as much as I do.
Case in point:
When I first moved to Texas, his one animal stipulation was ‘no pets in the bed.’ To which I laughed, “Okay, sure, no pets in the bed.”
It didn’t last long, as we all could have guessed. Yes, I admit, the first violations were from me, but I’d like for you to view the following photographic evidence and make your own decision on who the rule breaker is…
There are more, but I think you get the idea. Yes, I’m the vocal one about animals. Yes, I’m the one who is in near constant swoon over cute animal videos on Facebook, but Michael is a closet animal swooner, whether he admits it or not. You should see him when there’s a puppy nearby. He will drop everything to go bask in it’s adorableness.
All this to say, he’s a big talker, but inside he’s mush. Like when Romeo, aka Jerkface (more on him later!), was causing issues and Michael suggested he might be happier on a farm. Yet, when it’s bedtime and Romeo is not in our room, Michael will hunt him down, snuggle him close, kiss his face and put him in our bed. Yes, in our bed, previously known as the no-animals-allowed zone.
Now you know the truth about Michael, although I’m sure lots of you have already seen through his act. But to protect his manly ego, let’s just pretend that we believe his bluster, okay?
And they lived snuggly ever after.