I love my cat Romeo, aka Jerkface, although sometimes I slip and call him Michael. They have a lot in common, these two. Both are super naughty, both like to get into trouble and push boundaries, and both want my attention and they want it NOW. Yet, both are also completely irresistable, so nevertheless I keep them.
As naughty as Romeo is, I can handle most of his antics, like learning to open and search the trash bin and stealing food off the counters, but the one thing that drives me crazy and makes me question my pet parenting skills is his murdering of innocent creatures. I know, it’s hard to believe that face could ever do such a thing, yet it does.
It started when he brought in a squawking bird one evening, catching us completely unaware as he strutted in the doggy door with his prize. After we rescued and released the bird, Romeo wised up…and began bringing us already dead ones. Sigh.
He happily kills whatever he can catch while here I am, not even liking to kill insects. In fact, the other day I had a spider in my office at work. Did I squish him? No. I just watched him crawl on my wall next to my desk and told him to keep on moving. Even pointed the way to my plants and sent him mental images of the route. He listened about as well as Romeo does.
I’ve never dealt with a challenge like Romeo. I’ve always had indoor cats, so to adopt one that is determined to go outside and who can also superman over our 6 foot tall privacy fence without the use of front claws…I’m at a loss. I tried keeping him in the house, which was torture for all of us as he yowled all the livelong day and night, constantly trying (and succeeding) to sneak out. The dogs weren’t too thrilled with having their doggy door closed 24/7, either. “Send him back!” they said. 
I then attached a barrier to the top of the fence to keep him from jumping it, which worked great until he figured out how to get around it. I tried restraining him on a leash outside with a harness specifically made for cats, which lasted all of 5 minutes before he was out of it. I think they should have designed it for smart cats.
I’ve tried and tried and tried. I love the idiot, so he’s not going to the ‘farm’, but I wish I could tap into whatever animal whispering skills I used to have and fix this guy. I mean, I know I shouldn’t be surprised…I can’t get Michael to behave, either.
I gave in to Romeo because he is miserable if he can’t go outside (and I can’t keep him inside anyway) and I very begrudgingly accept that he’s going to wander a bit, but is it too much to ask that Jerkface doesn’t slaughter the local wildlife?! He has readily available food with snacks on demand and I play with him daily. I mean, come on, mister!
I have a last-ditch idea, though, and it’s in the mail as we speak, so stay tuned…
ps…Romeo/Jerkface has his own Instagram account now…It was Michael’s idea, not mine! If you want to see his antics, you’ll find him as: jerkface_the_cat
The Helicopter Bride 